When you're all alone,
Far away from home,
Here's a gift the angels send when you're alone.

Every day must end,
But the night's our friend.
Angels always send a star when you're alone.

At night when I'm alone
I lie awake and wonder
Which of them belongs to me?
Which one I wonder.

And any star I choose
Watches over me
So I know I'm not alone
When I'm here on my own.
Isn't that a wonder
When you're alone
You're not alone,
Not really alone.

The stars are all my friends
'Till the nighttime ends
So I know I'm not alone
When Im here on my own
Isn't that a wonder?
When you're alone,
You're not alone.
Not really alone.


And if you know where I got this from you will get about a thousand cool points!!

I either want to disappear completely, or just go home. I can't disappear. And I can't go home either. So now Im stuck in this auto pilot mode where I dont really want to do anything.

Looking into this room you will see many things. Apart from the wood-panel walls, the computers, and the lovely lamp on the floor casting its dim light throughout the room, you will see three girls. Two on the ground, one in a chair. All three silent. Two best friends, one outcast. All three roomates. Two so well connected to each other, one too shy. All three living in this place. Its interestin how the number 3 often leaves one behind. 3 shouldnt even be a number. Things would be eaiser kept at just one or two.

In the end of all these thoughts the only thing that comes out of my mouth is "why?". In essence "why" is the ultimate question because it can always be asked, but not always have an answer. So I ask, why? Why go through life experiencing things like happiness when it all goes aray, it all just ends, and you sit there with nothing but a broken heart, a cloudy mind, and a lost hope...

Sooo I got an email from musichristian.com that says "Amanda, Your MusiChristian.com order has shipped!"

Which means.......

THE DELIRIOUS? DVD IS ON ITS WAY!!!!!!!!

I'm excited. I cant wait for it to get here.

So recently Ive been having random thoughts of "What if I just ran away and never told anyone that I was leaving or where I was going?" These thoughts make give me a happy feeling that if I wanted to, I could just leave and I wouldnt have to tell anyone where I was going. It would freak everyone out, and I'd feel bad about that, but the freedom of leaving and not caring about anyone is just such an interesting and exciting feeling.

This is my favorite scene from RENT. Basically Angel is alredy dead, Joanne and Maureen have broken up and Rodger Mimi and Benny are all mad at each other. Collins is grieving the death of his lover, Angel, and Mark, as always, is stuck in the middle of it all. Mark is my favorite character.


MARK: (walking through the cemetary)
How Did We Get Here?
How The Hell...
Pan Left - Close On The Steeple Of TheChurch
How Did I Get Here?
How The Hell...Christmas
Christmas Eve - Last Year
How Could A Night So Frozen Be So Scalding Hot?
How Can A Morning This Mild Be So Raw?
Why Are Entire Years Strewn On The Cutting Room Floor Of Memory
When Single Frames From One Magic Night
Forever Flicker In Close-Up On The 3D Imax Of My mind
That's Poetic
That's Pathetic
Why Did Mimi Knock On Roger's Door
And Collins Choose That Phone Booth
Back Where Angel Set Up His Drums
Why Did Maureen's Equipment BreakDown
Why Am I The Witness?
And When I Capture It On Film
Will It Mean That It's The End
And I'm Alone?

MIMI:
It's True You Sold Your Guitar
And Bought A Car?

ROGER:
It's True - I'm Leaving Now For Santa Fe
It's True You're With This Yuppie Scum?

BENNY:
You Said You'd Never Speak To Him Again

MIMI:
Not Now

MAUREEN:
Who Said That You Have Any Say In Who She Says Things To At All?

ROGER:
Yeah!

JOANNE:
Who Said That You Should Stick Your Nose In Other People's...

MAUREEN:
Who Said I Was Talking To You?

JOANNE:
We Used To Have This Fight Each Night
She'd Never Admit I Existed

MARK:
Calm Down Everyone Please

MIMI: (to Rodger) He Was The Same Way - He Was Always"Run Away - Hit The RoadDon't Commit"-You're Full Of Shit!

JOANNE:
She's In Denial

MIMI:
He's In Denial

JOANNE:
Didn't Give An Inch When I Gave A Mile

MIMI:
I Gave A Mile!

MARK:
Come on!

ROGER:
Gave A Mile To Who?

MARK & BENNY:
Come On Guys Chill!

MIMI & JOANNE:
I'D Be Happy To Die For A Taste
Of What Angel Had
Someone To Live For-UnafraidTo Say I Love You!

ROGER:
All Your Words Are Nice Mimi
But Love's Not A Three Way Street
You'll Never Share Real Love Until you Love Your Self-I Should Know

COLLINS:
You All Said You'd Be Coll Today
So Please-For My Sake...
I Can't Believe He's Gone
I Can't Believe He's Going (to Roger)
I Can't Believe This Family Must Die. Angel Helped Us Believe In Love
I Can't Believe You Disagree

ALL:
I Can't Believe This Is Goodbye.

(Mark and Rodger later)
MARK:
I Hear There Are Great Restaurants Out West

ROGER:
Some Of The Best. How Could She?

MARK:
How Could You Let Her Go?

ROGER:
You Just Don't Know...How Could We Lose Angel?

MARK:
Maybe You'll See Why When You Stop Escaping Your Pain At Least Now If You Try-Angel's DeathWon't Be In Vain

ROGER:
His Death Is In Vain.

MARK:
Are You Insane? There's So Much To Care About There's Me-There's Mimi-

ROGER:
Mimi's Got Her Baggage Too

MARK:
So Do You

ROGER:
Who Are You To Tell Me What I Know,What To Do

MARK:
A Friend

ROGER:
But Who, Mark, Are You?
"Mark Has GOt His Work"They Say "Mark Lives For His Work"And "Mark's In Love With His Work"Mark Hides In His Work

MARK:
From What?

ROGER:
From Facing Your Failure, Facing Your Loneliness,Facing The Fact You Live A Lie.Yes, You Live A Lie - Tell You Why You're Always Preaching Not To Be Numb When That's How You ThriveYou Pretend To Create And Observe When You Really Detach From Feeling Alive

MARK:
Perhaps It's Because I'm The One Of UsTo Survive

ROGER:
Poor Baby

MARK:
Mimi Still Loves RogerAre You Really Jealous Or Afraid That Mimi's Weak

ROGER:
Mimi Did Look Pale.

MARK:
Mimi's Gotten Thin Mimi's Running Out Of Time And You're Running Out The Door-

ROGER:
No More! I've Gotta Go

MARK:
Hey! For somebody who's always been let down Who's heading out of town?

ROGER:
For someone who longs for a commmunity of his own, who's with his camera, alone?
I'll call
I hate the fall
(Mimi re-enters)

ROGER:
You Heard?

MIMI:
Every WordYou Don't Want Baggage Without Lifetime GuaranteesYou Don't Want To Watch Me Die?
I Just Came To Say Goodbye Love, Goodbye Love,
Came To Say Goodbye, Love, Goodbye

MIMI:
Just Came To Say Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love,
Goodbye!

(Roger leaves, Benny enters)

ROGER:
GloryOne Blaze Of Glory Have To Find

MIMI:
Please Don't Touch Me Understand I'm ScaredI Need To Go Away

MARK:
I Know A Place - A Clinic

BENNY:
A Rehab?

MIMI:
Maybe--Could You?

BENNY:
I'll Pay

MIMI:
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Just Came To Say Goodbye Love
Goodbye
Just Came To SayGoodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Hello - Disease

[Mimi runs away. Collins is booted from the funeralhome when he can't pay the bill. Benny offers to pay;hen he and Collins go drinking. Mark stays behind toprepare for his meeting with "Buzzline".]

So this evening Robin, Amber, Stephanie, and myself went down to Oakhurst for a while to hang out and watch TJ's Robin Hood II. It was a really good movie, considering it was written by, produced by, and starred by local kids. I was impressed though.

On the way back Stephanie was talking about this old mill that is on the side of the Sierra Sky Ranch road. Robin kept saying it was really creepy so I said I wanted to see it. Robin slowed down when Stephanie thought we were close. Robin kept saying "we arent going to see it. Its too dark." Then in this field... we saw it. This dark grey cylinder shaped building. Robin stopped and as soon as we saw it we all started screaming. It was the scariest building I have ever seen in my life. I have never had an uncontrolable scream come out of my mouth ever. It was really weird. I will never be completely comfortable going down that road ever again. Im kinda mad they pointed it out to me. Seriously. I think it is some sort of porthole to hell. Then the whole way up the hill we were all just shakey and nervous and we kept seeing things and it was scary... kinda fun, but scary. I never want to see that place at night again. Im not even sure if I want to see it in the day...

Let's build a mountain.

I washed my car today!!!!!

...then it started raining...

figures.